Take a look at one of the forwards I received on YIM:

IIT Bombay student Anupam Biswas 5th Year Mechanical Engg is suffering from Colukabki (caused due to excessive nabad and depression) a disease very rarely found (3 in a billion). His condition is very pathetic and the treatment is very expensive, obviously his parents are not able to afford his treatment. Yahoo has agreed to pay 1 paisa after each time this message is forward. So pls pass on this message to help.

Now, I get really irritated when this sort of a message comes. I knew this was one of those but I wanted to check out how Yahoo! Inc. can “pay 1 paisa after each time this message if forward.” I typed “Yahoo! has agreed to pay 1 paisa” in the Google Search bar. Found a blog and found this on it:

An IIT Delhi student Anupam Joshi 4th Year Engineering Physics is suffering from Colukabki (caused due to excessive smoking and depression) a disease very rarely found (3 in a billion). His condition is very pathetic and the treatment is very expensive, obviously his parents are not able to afford his treatment. Yahoo has agreed to pay 1 paisa after each time this message is forward. So pls pass on this message to help.

IIT Delhi. IIT Mumbai.

Mechanical Engineering. Engineering Physics (I wonder if there actually is an Engineering Physics course at IIT Mumbai.)

Both suffering from Colukabki.

What is Colukabki by the way?

I searched again and what did I find?

Colukabki is not a disease.

Colukakbi, actually, is nothing. There’s no word called Colukakbi in English.

Of course, there are the more irritating ones, two of which are “If you dont forward this, you dont have a heart” and the AIDS injection wala.

Email spam, mobile spam. Now messenger spam? Yes, it seems. A very reasonable name.

How about an Anti-forwards Campaign? Dont just ignore such forwards. Type a reply:

“Look, I have something called a brain which actually thinks. I can donate a piece of it if you want. Stop sending me such forwards.”

This, of course, shouldnt apply to all those hilarious and rather useful forwards. :)

Update:

I shall put all ‘those’ forwards I get here from now on. I’d like to name it Stupidogram, to measure peoples’ stupidity.

Stupidogram:

Observation 1:

Yahoo President Neeraj Sheth……This is Yahoo President Neeraj Sheth Jay Russell, I am sorry to announce that Yahoo has reached its maximum number of accounts two million. If you would like to keep your account for free send this to everyone on your list.This way we can know which accounts are being used and which accounts we can delete.Send this within 8 days and your account will remain free.Once again I am sincerely sorry that I have to do this.Please start sending.Jay Russell,Yahoo Management Renee:WHOEVER DOESN`T SEND THIS MESSAGE YOUR ACCOUNT WILL BE DEACTIVATED AND IT WILL COST $10.00 A MONTH TO USE IT! TO SEND TO EVERYONE ON YOUR LIST,RIGHT CLICK ON YOUR GROUP AND SAY SEND

Observation 2:

(I’m copy pasting this email forward. I deleted the spaces in between the lines to make it more compact. These days, the email forwardists are even devising Personality Tests!)

PERSONALITY TEST

The Dalai Lama said read it to see if it works for you. Very interesting. Just 4 questions and the answers will surprise you. Do not cheat by looking at the answers. The mind is like a parachute, it works best when it is opened. This is fun to do, but you have to follow the instructions very closely.

Do not cheat. MAKE A WISH BEFORE BEGINNING THE TEST!!

A Warning! Answer the questions as you go along. There are only four questions and if you see them all before finishing, you will not have honest results. Go down slowly and do each exercise as you scroll down. Don’t look ahead. Get pencil and paper to write your answers as you go along. You will need it at the end. This is an honest questionnaire which will tell you a lot about your true self. Give an answer for each item.

Put the following 5 animals in the order of your preference: Cow Tiger Sheep Horse Pig

Write one word that describes each one of the following: Dog Cat Rat Coffee Sea.

Think of someone (who also knows you and is important to you) that you can relate them to the following colours (do not repeat your answer twice. Name just one person for each colour.): Yellow Orange Red White Green

Finally, write down your favourite number and your favourite day of the week.

Finished? Please be sure that your answers are what you REALLY WANT.

Look at the interpretations below: (but first before continuing, repeat your wish.)

This will define your priorities in your life. Cow Signifies CAREER Tiger Signifies PRIDE Sheep Signifies LOVE Horse Signifies FAMILY Pig Signifies MONEY

Your description of dog implies your own personality.

Your description of cat implies the personality of your partner.

Your description of rat implies the personality of your enemies.

Your description of coffee is how you interpret sex.

Your description of the sea implies your own life.

Yellow: Someone you will never forget

Orange: Someone you consider your true friend

Red: Someone that you really love

White: Your twin soul

Green: Someone that you will remember for the rest of your life

You have to send this message to as many persons as your favourite number and your wish will come true on the day that you put. (emphasis is mine.)

This is what the Dalai Lama has said about the Millennium-just take a few seconds to read it and think. Do not put away this message, the mantra will come out from your hands in the next 96 hours. You will have a very pleasant surprise. This is true, even if you are not superstitious. Please do this. It is fascinating.

SEND THIS E-MAIL MANTRA TO AT LEAST FIVE PERSONS AND YOUR LIFE WILL IMPROVE

0-4 persons: Your life will improve slightly

5-9 persons: Your life will improve to your liking

9-14 persons: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next three weeks

15 or more persons: Your life will improve drastically and all that you have always dreamed will take shape.

(Sigh! They cant atleast desist from associating this nonsense with the great Dalai Lama. The man doesnt deserve such treatment. Grow up forwardists!)

Observation 3:

please forward this msg,very urgent. One of my friend’s mother condition is very serious. She needs 4-bottles of B -ve . Contact: gayatri 9841983811. Pls don’t avoid this… even if u can’t help atleast pass this msg to all

Observation 4:

FOR EVERY GIRL 1 important news … PLEASE REMOVE UR PHOTO FROM ORKUT N FROM ALBUMS… THERE HAS BEEN 2-3 CASES OF PORNOGRAPHY….PEOPLE R COPYING PHOTOS N ATTACHING THEM TO PORN PHOTOS SO PLEASE TAKE CARE OF THIS… ALSO REMOVE UR ADDRESSES N PHONE NO. FROM PROFILES… SPREAD IT..TO UR FRIENDS …PLLLLLLLLZZZZZZZZZ guys send it to ur gal friends… this happened to a friend of mine.. let it not happen to anyone.. spread it to all your friends….( this was a fwd to me….so didnt happen to ne friend of mine)

Observation 5:

Because u opened dis u will get kissed on friday, the biggest day of ur life don’t break da chain, ur crush will ask u out tomorow that will be da best day of ur life howeva if u don’t send dis 2 13 ppl by twelve tonight u will have bad luck for da rest of ur life… just copy & paste this coz ppl wont read it if it iz Forwarded!!!!! If you don’t send this to everyone on ur list, u will lose the person you love.sorry if i dont get this back i guess your not my friend. if u have a lot of love 4 someone… copy and send this 2 ur whole buddy list..in 5 min. ur true love will call u…..Wish u a very happy World bestfriends Day.Send 2 all ur gud frends, even me if u like me